Path to the Cross
Church on Sunday mornings and learning about God’s word wasn’t my story growing up. It was the exact opposite actually. I had no idea who the man on the cross was. I knew His name and that was it.
My parents are both believers, but they aren’t church goers. Obligated to attend when they were children, my parents didn’t want to force it on myself or my sister.
Uncomfortable, embarrassed, ashamed, are a few emotions that I felt growing up. I remember those moments being around friends speaking of His word and me having no idea what they were talking about. I would just listen and shake my head pretending like I knew, but never had anything to add to the conversation. Being really shy (I know, me shy? Things have changed!) and already intimidated by my lack of knowledge, I never asked to go to church with anyone. I didn’t want people to know how clueless I was.
My path to the cross started when I met one of my very best friends still to this day. It was my freshman year of high school and my best friend asked the terrifying question, “Do you want to go to church with me?!” Anyone that is new to the church, at any age, has that uncomfortable feeling when it’s their first time attending. It’s intimidating. When I built up the courage to go, I was glad I did. Everyone, from the first person to say hello, to the pastor during his sermon, was so nice and welcoming.
We participated in Sunday school first. I didn’t own a Bible like everyone else, which made me feel silly, but the church was happy to share. The service part is what really excited me. I can’t sing, but I sung along. I didn’t know how to pray but I closed my eyes and believed the words. I didn’t know what I was doing half of the time, but it felt right.
Through out high school I continued to attend church and grow a relationship with God. My senior year, my best friend that I always went to church with moved away. Instead of continuing on my own, I stopped going to church and lost connection with Him. I knew Him enough to reach out when I was going through tough times. I was the occasional prayer and eventually fell off the path. I can’t say I turned into this sinful person, but I wasn’t living a Godly life.
A couple years later I was diagnosed with Rhabdomyolysis. (You can read the full story here) Through this tough time, I relied on prayer. I remember saying a simple prayer that “God, if you can just get me through this, I will never neglect you again.” I have kept that promise.
My path to the cross isn’t like many others. It is all self discovered, and for that, I am thankful.